Last week, we talked about why we may be saying sorry too much. Apologies can seem polite in some cases but could have also have some negative consequences. By apologizing a lot, you could come across as someone who is less confident or someone who has low self-esteem or self-worth and thus, it’s important to see how we can begin to create change. There could be various reasons why this behaviour manifests in us but this week, we’ll take a look at how we can deal with it better.
Catch yourself – The best way to start change is when we recognize the behaviour. Do you find yourself apologizing more in any particular situation or are there people around whom you see yourself apologizing more to? What brings this aspect out of you most? Start by recognizing when you may be doing this and how frequently. The more you know, the easier it will be to handle.
Ask yourself why – Looking to see what the purpose of your apologizing can uncover what might be contributing to the habit. If an apology is needed post making a mistake, you’ll know it’s warranted. If apologies are done more frequently but you don’t see how it is warranted, then look at what could be at the root of it (See last post).
Reframe the apology – Using new ways of speech could be helpful. Turning them into thankyou’s rather than always apologizing. For example, instead of “I’m so sorry, I didn’t understand what you said. Could you explain it again? Again, so sorry!”, try saying “I didn’t quite catch that, could you please explain it to me again? Thanks!”. Sometimes you may need to combine the two if there has been an inconvenience caused. For example, “I apologize for the change in schedule, something came up but thanks for understanding.”
Set up a plan – Decide the ways in which you would begin to implement small changes. Letting select people in on your plan of change can help as they can act as observers to catch you when you may be apologizing when you don’t need to and they can also serve as reminders to reframe your words differently. Or perhaps setting aside a little time in front of the mirror to practice could be your way of bringing small change. Starting small can lead to bigger changes.