All of us have things going on – there’s almost never a time when we are at complete bliss with every area in our lives. The ways that we process what we are going through differs with each person. While some prefer introspection and self-analysis, others require verbally processing what’s on our mind. Though helpful in getting the perspectives of others, it can be hard to gauge when we are giving out more than the person can handle, leaving us hesitant to open up. Here are some things to keep in mind before sharing:
Check in before dumping – Sometimes our friends may not be able to take on the things that we tell them. It could be because the content might be too heavy, they may not be in the headspace to listen and respond, they find it difficult to process emotions etc. It is disappointing when they say they can’t be there for you and so, checking in demonstrates a form of consent with sharing where neither side feels like they got something they didn’t ask for.
See how compromises can be made – Compromises are required in every relationship. The midway here might look like asking them what works for them and you – convenient times, methods (text, call, in-person), approaches – and vice versa. When it is an invitation to collaborate on the matter, both parties feel more open to being honest about their strengths and limitations on it.
Ask for honest feedback –A lot of times we may feel like a burden when in reality, the other person is happy to hear us out and thankful that we are willing to trust them. Being open about our fears of coming across as difficult can clear up any confusion you might be having about the situation. We would also need to be receptive to hearing both possibilities- that it gets hard on them or that it was just in our heads.
Give yourself permission – Even when we are given permission by the people around us to share, we might limit ourselves and find it hard to open up. It could be guilt about appearing too needy, fear that the person could reject or dismiss us, embarrassment that we could not deal with things on our own or even disgust in recognizing that we need help. Whatever the emotion and thought, we need to release ourselves from these restricting ideas as they don’t serve anyone nor fix the problem. We need to remember that we are allowed to share in each others’ burdens and help carry them together.