Loneliness is the state of distress or discomfort that results when we perceive a gap between our desires for social connection and actual experiences of it. The social relationships are perceived to be less in quantity, and especially in quality, than anticipated. The experience of loneliness is highly subjective; we can be alone without feeling lonely and can feel lonely even with other people around us.
Certain life events or experiences may make us feel lonely, such as:
- Experiencing a loss
- The end of a relationship
- Retirement
- Changing jobs
- Starting college
- Experiencing mental health problems
- Becoming a parent or caregiver
- Decreased mobility or income
- Living alone in a new area or country without family, friends or community
Some research suggests that loneliness can increase the risk of anxiety, depression, stroke, heart disease, and dementia.
Why do we feel lonely?
When there is a sense of rejection and disconnectedness with others, it causes us to withdraw and become more critical of ourselves and the people around us. This, however, isolates us further, often fueling greater loneliness and perceived isolation.
Signs that you may be feeling lonely:
- There is an inability to connect with others on a deeper, more intimate level: Maybe you have friends and family in your life, but engagement with them is at a superficial level. This lack of meaningful connection feels unfulfilling and the sense of disconnection seems persistent.
- A lack of close friends: You have friends, but they are more casual acquaintances, and you feel like there’s no one who truly understands you.
- An overwhelming sense of isolation regardless of your surroundings or the people around you: Even in a crowd, you feel alone and disengaged.
- Increased self-doubt and low self-worth. Not feeling like you are enough can be another possible symptom of long-term loneliness.
- When you try to connect or reach out, it’s not reciprocated, and you feel unseen or unheard.
- Exhaustion and burnout from social engagement: Often, attempting to socialize leaves you feeling drained. This ongoing fatigue can lead to additional problems such as sleep disturbances, a weakened immune system, poor diet, and more.
How do we prevent or cope with loneliness?
- Acknowledge How You’re Feeling: While feelings of loneliness may be alarming, they’re a signal that you need more human connection.
- Practice Gratitude: This positive daily habit can help to undo some of the pessimism and negativity that can be linked to feeling lonely.
- Make Time for Family and Friends: Take time out for developing quality relationships, and being proactive about making time for meaningful social interaction.
- Get Creative: Turning to the arts can help alleviate loneliness, helping us to express how we’re feeling inside.
- Embrace Hobbies You Enjoy: Hobbies can also help us build connections with our social network and give us something to look forward to.
- Get Outdoors: Getting outside and doing physical activity are both mood boosters and help reduce feelings of loneliness.
- Try Volunteering or Helping Your Community: Even small acts of kindness have been found to significantly reduce loneliness.
- Seek help if these feelings extend beyond occasional moments and start affecting your daily life, such as at work, school or relationships.
While there is no one-size-fits-all solution to loneliness, learnt practices, behaviours, and community connection can be built into our lifestyles. Studies have also proved animal therapy, multisystemic interventions, physical exercise, technological interventions, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Mindfulness to be highly effective.
Admitting we feel lonely can be hard. It’s important to remember that lots of people experience similar feelings of loneliness, and that they can pass. Understanding our own reasons for feeling lonely can help identify and manage these feelings.