Our self esteem determines the way we perceive ourselves. The way we feel and the amount of value placed on ourselves is usually a result of our experiences, beliefs and opinions. Essentially, believing we have the ability to accomplish something, indicates a higher self -esteem when compared to the belief that we don’t have the capabilities to succeed. While our beliefs can be challenging to change, we can work on making the experience of how we feel about ourselves a more positive and enriching one. It is also important to note, the process of building self-esteem may be uncomfortable at times, but worth it. Here are some methods to build self-esteem:
1. Use compassionate self-talk: Oftentimes, the conversations we have with ourselves are negative, discouraging and self-critical. It can be helpful to consciously notice these thoughts and transform them into affirming, positive and encouraging ones. For instance, “I won’t be able to do this” can be changed to “I have the capabilities to do this, I believe in myself”.
2. Fake it till you make it: While changing our thoughts and beliefs is incredibly helpful, this approach focuses on reworking our external behaviours and actions. Acting like the person you want to be can bring you closer to gradually becoming that person. If you lack self-confidence, think about how a confident person would act and mimic that behaviour whether it’s a firm handshake or being the first one to speak in a group.
3. Identify situations when your self-esteem feels low: Try to notice situations where you feel a deflated sense of self-esteem and recognize the thoughts you have at the particular moment. In doing so, you can notice which situations are more troubling and need your intervention.
4. Spend time with people that are good for your self-esteem: A research study has found that people with low self esteem gravitate toward spending time with people that make them feel worse. In a sense, this may happen when you want your own, low self-worth to be mirrored in your friends. So, it is important to evaluate the way you feel around the people you spend time with and actively work on being in a space that uplifts you.
Having high self-esteem can be a great boost to mental health. Building self-esteem allows us to improve our skills of coping with challenging situations, noticing the power of our perspective and transforming the negatives into positives. These are useful abilities to have as we navigate life and form perceptions about ourselves.
By Sonia Raheja