Regret is an inevitable feeling that comes with the human experience. You simply cannot subscribe to a life without making decisions, and along with this may come regret. Unfortunately, regret is linked to guilt, self-blame and negative thinking. These emotions may stir up the familiar feeling of when you felt like you made a mistake; knowing how to effectively channel your regret into personal growth can be learnt with understanding, awareness and coping with hard feelings. Here are some useful ways to cope with regret:
1. Acknowledgment of your feelings: When you recognize and accept your regret, it will allow you to strategize ways you can better handle the emotions in the future. Denying your regret by playing it off as “just a bad feeling” or claiming to have no regrets (when that is technically impossible) will only do you more harm than good.
2. Be Self-Compassionate: Since regret comes with a handful of guilt, being compassionate includes forgiving yourself. Make the conscious effort to treat yourself the way you would treat a loved one and let go of any hidden resentment. Knowing you cannot turn back time and change your actions is a hard pill to swallow, but it gives you clarity to make amends in the present and understand what to do in the future.
3. Don’t Overthink It: Once you get the taste of regret, it is easy to become obsessively critical of your past regrets and other decisions you have to make. Provide ways to heal by journalling or speaking to a close friend, re-energize with activities you feel comfortable doing and nourish yourself in positive thinking in order to let go of the lingering, regretful feeling.
4. Practice Self-Assessment: While you may continue to gravitate toward fixating on the negative aspects of past regret, it can be useful to implement a structured way of remembering it. Ask yourself the challenging questions such as, “Did you blame others”, “How did you handle your feelings” “Have you noticed recurring, specific aspects in situations that you regret”? Through the evaluation of moments, you will gain insight on how to progress.
5. Reframe the Regret: It is natural to associate the draining sense of regret with a feeling you don’t want to experience again. It will be useful to alter how you perceive a situation. By acknowledging that the mistakes that gave you regret have played a crucial role in your understanding of the world today, you can see it as an opportunity to learn from and grow rather than dwell on and hide from.
By Sonia Raheja