Emotions can be tricky to understand. When we have poor understanding, it results in needing to ‘control’ or ‘tame’ them. Ironically, we end up controlling emotions best when we allow their expression. Our emotions are not against us, though most of us treat it that way. Panicking before we get onstage to deliver a speech makes us believe that our emotions are out to ruin us, when in reality, they are trying to protect us from a perceived threat. We hope this article helps in understanding these signals our brain gives us.
Behaviours: Emotions explain our responses and point us to our needs but we needn’t rely on them to dictate how we satisfy that need. We can work outside of them. For example, my jealousy tells me I need to have exactly what someone else has and my response might be to take it away. Wisdom would consider other aspects like how the person would be hurt with my behaviour, how it would be a fleeting moment of happiness and that the consequences would outweigh the pros.
Physiological experience: Emotions show up in our body in various ways. Paying attention to what happens internally can help us understand better and take care of ourselves accordingly. For example, when we feel angry, it can show up as an increase in heart rate, shallow breathing, clenched jaw and heat in the body. When aware of how our body responds, we can then see that perhaps some muscle relaxation exercises, a cool shower or doing jumping jacks can help release the tension that is building up within us. Paying attention to these cues can also help us be aware of what another person is going through and offer appropriate help.
Meaning: Emotions come in waves – it peaks and dies down in a matter of minutes. This is true of both pleasant and unpleasant emotions, though it can feel as though the unpleasant ones stay on. It is the meaning that we give to the emotion that keeps it present longer. A couple who learnt they are pregnant will feel joy for hours, even days as they share the news with others. A person who received news that a loved one passed away will feel sadness and grieve for days or longer. In both these instances, it is the meaning we have assigned that prolongs the emotion.
Reaching equilibrium: Often we think that if we remove an emotion entirely we will be at peace. This is usually for emotions that are difficult to sit with. We don’t need to get to a 0 on an emotional scale, we just need to get to the point where our emotions are helpful to us in reaching our goals. This is often why when we are extremely stressed, we hardly get the work done and when we are stress-free, we also end up with no work done. Finding the balance of the emotion helps us best.