You’ve just gotten into a new phase of life. The possibilities are exciting! When the dust settles, these possibilities slowly begin to evoke fear. This makes you want to run away, go to the worst-case scenarios or return to what once was. Thankfully, this is completely normal and you are definitely not alone. Beginning anything we are unfamiliar with usually brings out these emotions. Here are some things to keep in mind to help work through it better:
Challenging the fears – When we go into the unknown about anything, the general accompanying emotion is fear. This is completely normal and in fact, needed. It nudges us to keep pursuing when probably everything within us wants to take a backseat. One of the first things to do when challenging fears is seeking out the facts of the situation. When looking at the facts, we ground ourselves by understanding the evidence rather than only depending on feelings that are temporary and fleeting. Thinking of past instances where we thought similarly and changed our minds once we got comfortable would be beneficial. We can remind ourselves of how even though the future is uncertain and we can’t be sure of how things will pan out, we can equip ourselves with the skills needed to navigate the challenges.
Find safety – Fear has the uncanny ability to keep us tied down and trapped to where we are. Most humans are creatures of comfort – we find ways to stay within those zones and it’s difficult to move us out of it. Our systems are designed to keep us safe and a big part of that is the associated ease. Getting to a place of growth requires us to be challenged and feeling ‘unsafe’ for a while before we get used to the new structure and get familiar with it. Using grounding techniques like 54321 or abdominal breathing techniques can help us navigate new challenges.
Managing expectations – Expectations keep us feeling either hopeful or terrified, depending on which way you lean. When we are optimistic, the world is our oyster and we believe we can conquer anything. When we are fearful, we work with the framework that everything that can go wrong, will go wrong. Finding the balance between the two extremes helps us to view the situation with a healthy, realistic perspective where we acknowledge things will be tough and that we will still be determined to make it work.
Build confidence – A lot of this is faking it till you make it. Confidence forms not in the absence of fear but through it. The more we get used to doing the things that scare us, the easier it is to feel like we know what we’re doing. Often, we do have a decent idea of what the new thing requires of us but our feelings make us believe otherwise. With practice and repeated exposure to the fear, we gain the trust of our emotions, and we no longer feel the same intensity of the fear we once did.