Self-talk is the language we use when we refer to ourselves, or our inner voice. It could involve comments about our appearance, abilities, personality traits, actions and more. While being critical of habits or things that are unhealthy is beneficial (ex. staying in an abusive relationship, procrastinating, smoking, etc.), it’s also important to extend compassion to ourselves.
It’s easier to use kinder language on loved ones but the language we use for ourselves is oftentimes judgmental and critical of anything concerning us. This only leads to low self-esteem, low self-worth and low confidence. It is, thus, vital that we change how we talk to ourselves and try being gentle with ourselves.
How to improve it:
· Catch your negative self-talk – The first thing to do would be catching the negative comment or statement that you have made about yourself. For a person that has it popping up too often, this could be intimidating. It’s become a pattern that you’re used to for so long that change can seem daunting. It’s when we begin recognizing its existence and catching it that we start scratching the surface to find what the result of years of self-blame and self-criticism is.
· Replace it with something slightly kinder – We know that change can’t happen overnight, nor do we expect it. Start by saying something that you noticed about yourself. For example, turning “I’m never consistent with exercise routines. I suck at this!” to “Though I haven’t been the most consistent with it, I’ve been at it for longer than I have the previous times I’ve tried.”
· Thank yourself for something you did for you – Whether it’s going outside for sunlight, reading a book or going for a therapy session, thank yourself for prioritizing your needs and for actively doing what you can to take care of yourself and get energized.
· Make conscious efforts to pause and correct – It’s not something you’re used to so catching the negative thoughts would be a little tricky. There would have to be active checking in with your thoughts and noting how you react in situations. You could make a mental note or a physical one, the point is to see what comes up and how often they do. After this, it’s easier to switch to correcting your self-talk.
· Practice makes perfect – it may feel fake at first but gradually, with practice, it will happen a lot more organically. And even if it doesn’t happen organically, recognize the effort you’re putting into changing your language to a more kinder, compassionate version.