Our self-esteem is established through a comparison between who we are and who we think we should be. For most of us, our self-worth is determined largely by our self-esteem and that is not always healthy. Here’s why: The evaluation of who we are and who we think we should be has several influencing factors like parental expectations, peer comparisons, social norms, the media, etc. Although we call it ‘self’-esteem and it’s supposed to be based on the standards we set for ourselves, it is influenced by external factors. This means attaching our self-worth to our self-esteem means allowing external, unstable factors to determine how we perceive ourselves. As a result, who we are and who we think we should be end up being determined largely by our abilities, our actions, our choices, or even how we look. So what we end up doing essentially is essentially linking our self-worth to these things. The way we perceive, evaluate and value ourselves becomes dependent on our capabilities. Thus, self-esteem is not an accurate reflection of our self-worth.
Although not seen as the best measure of self-worth today, self-esteem is still important. Low self-esteem is where there is a large discrepancy between what one believes themself to be and what they believe they should be. Low levels of self-esteem are associated with depression, aggression, social withdrawal and suicidal ideation. High levels of self-esteem are defined by having only a little discrepancy between what one believes themself to be and what they think they should be and these are associated with narcissism, rigid mindset, dismissing negative feedback or evidence and overestimating one’s abilities. Either extreme is dangerous and what can help in maintaining optimum self-esteem is self-compassion.
Self-compassion is the act of being appreciative, kind and caring towards ourselves just like we would be towards a loved one irrespective of their capabilities. It includes how we talk to ourselves, how we perceive ourselves, how we motivate ourselves and how we treat ourselves in general. Unlike self-esteem, this is completely internally driven.
Along with a high sense of self-awareness, self-compassion is never a bad thing. It not only regulates self-esteem but has also been shown to boost happiness and success. Here are some more specific benefits of being highly self-compassionate:
– Increased resilience
– Improved emotional intelligence
– Improved life satisfaction
– Better social skills
– Improved body image
– Increased motivation and willingness to improve on mistakes
– Fewer anxious and depressive thoughts
– Decreased fear of failure
Associated with only wide-ranging benefits, self-compassion is moving the focus away from self-esteem that does come with its negative consequences if limits exceed. Adolescents being taught to be compassionate towards themselves is becoming more important than pressuring them to meet certain expectations. Understanding and encouraging individuality and embracing imperfections is the way forward. Here are a few ways that are useful in practicing self-compassion:
– Watch how you talk to yourself and avoid self-criticism
– Allow yourself to take a break and don’t over-work yourself
– Be proud of yourself for the small and the big things you’ve done
– Take care of your body: eat healthy, exercise, address any discomforts
– Set boundaries and respect your personal space
By Niti Hinduja