As one of the beginning stages in a relationship, love bombing occurs when a person “bombs” the other with excessive compliments, smothers them in affection and quality time, gives them high-end gifts and shows them off to important people in their life as a means to hold power in the relationship. The use of these manipulative methods coerce you into becoming as involved and invested in the relationship as they are. Love bombing can feel highly genuine at first, but eventually leads to debilitating, devaluing feelings.
Love bombers most likely tend to come off as self-absorbed, portray an anxious attachment style and/or have a history of unstable past relationships. While these qualities aren’t necessary of love bombers and neither do all love bombers exhibit them, it can be helpful in recognizing the kind of person you are dating and they way they behave around you.
The line between a deeply romantic partner and one that is expressing excessive feelings with overwhelming actions is quite thin. Here’s how you can spot the difference:
- Exaggerated displays of affection with the intention of luring you into the relationship.
- Isolates you from your social circle to maximise time with you and become your only priority.
- Excessively indulges you in materialistic items to gain the upper hand in the relationship.
- Always frame themselves to be the “perfect person” to believe everything is going well.
- Jump to saying the L-word too soon which may feel like they are pressuring you to move too quickly in the relationship.
- Doesn’t respect your boundaries and wants to have access to you at all times.
- They are overly needy with your time and may get upset if you cannot give them enough.
When someone encounters any of these mannerisms in their relationship, chances are they have been love bombed. The victim is then left facing a loss of sense of self as their partner has controlled and directed them through the relationship. It is far from easy but incredibly helpful for the victim to recognise the manipulative acts they encountered to increase self-awareness. They can also spend some time working on processing the mixed feelings they may encounter. While this can be challenging work, it can aid the victim in reclaiming their lost part of their identity. It would also be useful to get support from loved ones or by approaching a mental health professional. Reconnecting with people and situations they deemed important before the relationship would help realise a more hopeful and positive near-future.
By Sonia Raheja